By Shu Xing, France
I longed for a happy marriage.
From as early as I could remember, I began to see that my parents always had constant quarrels with each other and that my mother often bathed her face in tears. At that time, how I was desirous of having a peaceful and happy family. After I grew up, I was determined to find a husband who was considerate and would treat his family well, hoping that my marriage could be happy and blessed.
At the introduction of my relatives, I met my husband. After marriage, we had two daughters. My husband doted on me: He never asked me to worry about any matters big and small in our home; we contracted to operate a sandy ground and although he was very busy at work and got very tired from working, whenever he returned home, he would do housework, such as doing laundry, making meals, and so on. My neighbors all envied that I had a blessed family and I was very happy, feeling that I had married a good man. Afterward, he went out to start a business with our relatives; I stayed at home and ran the sandy ground. Though it was difficult and tiring, I felt it was all worth it for the sake of my husband and our family. In this way, we worked hard in one accord, and thus a year later, we bought a house in the city. Subsequently, I went and worked in the city and put my father-in-law in charge of managing the sandy ground. Just when I carried the vision of a bright future, an unfortunate thing secretly happened to me.
My husband betrayed me for being influenced by trends.
One day, my husband said that the business of the company he ran slackened off, so he wanted to go to Shanghai to open a restaurant with his friends. I agreed and gave him 20,000 yuan. From then on, he never sent money back home. Moreover, every time he returned home, he would sigh and say that the business was slow. I then would comfort him and give him money to keep him afloat. Nevertheless, he was not as cheerful as before. Furthermore, sometimes he would avoid me when answering his phone. I thought maybe he was under the gun and did not want to make me worry.
One day, during a summer vacation, my husband returned from Shanghai and bought clothes for our daughter and me. That afternoon, he said he had something to do and then went out alone. In the evening, my home fixed-line telephone rang. When I answered it, a young girl called my husband’s name and said she and my husband had been living together in Shanghai and had an eight-month-old son. Hearing these words, I was shocked in an instant and my mind went blank. I screamed to myself repeatedly: Impossible. It’s impossible for him to do something like that behind my back. I wanted to cry but shed no tears; I hurried to call him back. When he returned, I told him about what had just happened. After hearing this, he cried and begged me to give him another chance. Seeing him like this, I realized that he really had an affair. In that moment my heart felt like it fell into an ice cave. I thought, “All that I have painstakingly done for these years is in order to have a happy family. But I never thought that I would finally be rewarded with his betrayal. How could he treat me like this?” Seeing his remorseful look, I did not know what to do. I thought, “If I divorce him, a happy family I long for will be ruined, and our daughter’s heart also will hurt.” At that point, I felt unbearable pain as if my heart was being cut by a knife. I cried to myself, “Heavens! What should I do? …”
Having given this a lot of thought, at last, in order for my child to have a complete family, I chose to forgive him. I asked him to return to Shanghai to sell the restaurant and then come back. He faithfully promised. But what I never imagined was that after returning to Shanghai, he sent me a text message which made me fall apart and feel desperate. In the text he said, “I really have no other option but to make you go through this.” Seeing this, I was dumbfounded in an instant. I was reminded of his sincere apologies and firm promises. It turned out that all of them were lies. I felt very depressed once again.
During that time, I would be under a lot of pain whenever I saw a family taking a walk along the road or heard the laughing and talking which came from the houses of my neighbors on my way home from work. For a moment the happiness I had possessed all disappeared. After returning home, I lay down on the bed and wept loudly. I recalled that after opening the restaurant, my husband always said he failed to earn money due to fierce competition. I took his words as fact and gave him my hard-earned money. Unexpectedly, in fact he was keeping the mistress. I thought, “Why does he treat me in such a way? What on earth have I done wrong?” At that time, I lived in agony with tears bathing my cheeks every day. I was unable to eat and sleep and completely lost my life direction and purpose. Sometimes, when my suffering reached a certain point, I really wanted to retaliate against them and then end my own life. But thinking about my two underage daughters and aged parents, I could not bear to discard them. So, all I could do was live in emotional agony; a day was like a year.
When I was in the midst of my suffering, God’s salvation befell me.
Just when I was in my extreme pain, a colleague of mine gave me the testimony of God’s salvation in the last days. I saw in God’s words, “The Almighty has mercy on these people who suffer deeply. At the same time, He is fed up with these people who have no consciousness, because He has to wait too long for the answer from humans. He desires to seek, seek your heart and your spirit. He wants to bring you food and water and to awaken you, so you are no longer thirsty, no longer hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a father. You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along.” Reading God’s warm and heartfelt words, I could not stop the tears from gushing out and I let them flow freely, as if long periods of stress and pain were in my tears. I was like a child who had wandered for many years and could not find her home, and at that moment, I finally had a sense of belonging. I had always treated my husband as my only support, so, since he betrayed and left me, I had lost the purpose and value of life, living in agony and not knowing what to do. Only after reading God’s words did I know that although I lost my husband, God always waited for me by my side and that God is the only One I can depend upon. In the company of God, I would not be alone anymore. Thank God for His salvation, which allowed me to have the courage to go on living. Thenceforth, I began to participate in church life. I often sang hymns, prayed, and read God’s words with my brothers and sisters. Every one of us fellowshiped with and loved each other. In my heart I felt peace and joy that I had never experienced before.
However, in deep and quiet night, whenever I saw my husband’s things and thought of his betrayal, I would feel heartrending pain and be full of hate uncontrollably. And I even wanted to find them and make trouble for them. But I knew it was not right to do that. If I really did like that, both sides would suffer, and it would only cause more people to live in agony. At that time, I could only come before God and pray to Him to help me walk out of the pain.
God’s words unearthed the root of my suffering.
Later, I saw these words of God, “One after another, all these trends carry an evil influence that continually degenerates man, causing them to continually lose conscience, humanity and reason, and that lowers their morals and their quality of character more and more, to the extent that we can even say the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. … For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist.” While trying to figure out God’s words, I understood: Now the whole world is evil and corrupted. Being poor seems to be more shameful than being a prostitute. Our ears are filled with evil remarks, such as “The red flag at home does not fall, the colored flags outside flutter in the breeze,” “Man without a mistress is like a body without a soul,” “Woman without a lover is like a flower without fragrance,” and so on. Our thinking is permeated by them, causing many people to treat having a lover and keeping a mistress as something positive that should be revered and copied. Many families have been torn apart because of this so that their family members live in suffering. This is all because we lack truth and the ability to distinguish the evil trends of Satan. So we have no other choice but to be fooled and corrupted. I remembered a period when my husband looked after me with great care and managed everything in our house. But since he ventured out, he had unknowingly been influenced by evil trends, causing him to betray his marriage, turn his back on his family, keep a mistress and have a child with her. I saw that he had lost the most basic conscience and humanity for being corrupted by Satan’s evil thoughts. This was the tragedy that resulted from evil trends. My husband did not understand the truth and could not see through Satan’s evil plot, so he involuntarily followed evil trends and betrayed me. At that point, I could understand his betrayal a bit.
So, I prayed to God saying that I no longer wanted to get entangled in this thing and that I was willing to read God’s words diligently and pursue the truth. Later, I fulfilled my duty by providing hospitality at church. I often lived a life of worshiping God with my sisters. Thus I had wholehearted smiles on my face once again.
God’s words led me to thwart the schemes of Satan.
One day, my sister-in-law came to my house and said that my husband and his mistress took their child back to his hometown, and that the mistress wore designer clothes and much gold and silver jewelry. My sister-in-law also asked me to learn to dress up in normal times. Hearing her words, I felt particularly bad. I thought back to when my husband and I lived our lives, I was diligent and thrifty and never spent money recklessly. It was alright until now, my husband took the money I had earned for his mistress’ pleasures. I felt a wave of sorrow, my tears flowing down my face uncontrollably. She comforted me, “To be honest, I cannot bear to look at them. I feel you and my brother are a good match. Why don’t you charge him with bigamy? In this way the mistress will leave him and he will come back to you.” After I heard what she said, my heart budged somewhat, thinking, “If I do so, my husband will come back to me and our child will have a complete family.” But then I thought, “If I really accuse him, it’ll not only hurt us both, but also have a very significant impact on the children.” At that point, I was overwhelmed by misery within and my heart was in tumult. I realized my state was wrong, so I prayed to God in my heart. Then I thought of God’s words, “You must be awake and waiting at every moment, and you must pray more before Me. You must recognize the various plots and cunning schemes of Satan….” These words gave me a rude awakening. At the time, I sensed that I fell victim to Satan’s tricks. My sister-in-law asked me to learn to dress up and charge my husband with bigamy. On the surface, she was good to me. But when carefully thinking her words over, I understood that the essence of that behavior was acting by Satan’s malicious thought of “If you’re not kind, I won’t be just.” Then I thought, “Since he has chosen that woman, it shows that he hasn’t been affectionate toward me. Even if I take him back, what significance does such a marriage have? Moreover, if I use this method to keep the family together, it’ll only cause him to detest me, and in the end, we can only attack and harm each other with our hearts full of hate.”
At that moment, I thought about another passage of God’s words, “Why does a husband love his wife? And why does a wife love her husband? Why are children dutiful to their parents? And why do parents dote on their children? What kinds of intentions do people really harbor? Is it not in order to satisfy one’s own plans and selfish desires?” From God’s words, I saw that everyone is selfish. Whether husbands love their wives or wives love their husbands, their intentions are all in order to satisfy their own selfish desires and they are not true love. I reflected on myself: The reason why I treated my husband well was also because I wanted him to treat me well, care for me, and protect me. When I heard that he and his mistress lived a good life, I envied them in my heart, feeling terrible; I even wanted to listen to my sister-in-law’s words, charging him with bigamy. Before, when he treated me well, I could treat him well. But as he betrayed me, I even wanted to make him go to jail, and in doing so let him change his mind. I saw that I really was too despicable and malicious, and that I did not truly love him.
While trying to figure out God’s words, I gradually understood much more clearly and also knew what I should do. So, I said to my sister-in-law, “Since they’ve had a child, if I really prosecute him, it won’t be good for everyone. I wish them a happy life.” Hearing me speaking like this, she looked at me in surprise and was embarrassed so that she wasn’t able to say anything else. After she left, I said a grateful prayer to God. I saw that God had put me in a practical situation. In the face of Satan’s schemes, without the guidance and leadership of God’s words, I would certainly have lived in agony, not knowing what to do.
Afterword
Later, I read this passage of God’s words, “Only through God can you know the meaning of life, only through God can you live out a real life, possess the truth, know the truth, and only through God can you obtain life from the truth. Only God Himself can help you shun evil and deliver you from the harm and control of Satan. Besides God, no one and nothing can save you from the sea of suffering so that you suffer no longer: This is determined by the essence of God. Only God Himself saves you so selflessly, only God is ultimately responsible for your future, for your destiny and for your life, and He arranges all things for you.” When I read these words, I felt very moved in my heart: Since I knew my husband betrayed me, I had lived in suffering. If I had not been saved by God, I would still have struggled bitterly in the midst of darkness, without my goal and direction in life. It was God’s words that released me from my pain. When I was jealous and lived in hatred, the guidance of God’s words made me receive God’s protection and avoid falling for Satan’s tricks. From this I saw that God is right beside me using His words to guide and lead me so that I could see through Satan’s trickery and not be harmed by it, and that God’s love for me is true love. I also reflected: Since I married my husband, I had treated him as my only reliance, and believed that he could bring a happy and blissful life to me. After experiencing these sufferings, I finally truly felt that my husband is only a man who has been corrupted by Satan. Even he himself still lives under Satan’s corruption, so he really cannot be relied on. Only by coming before God, understanding the truth, and living under God’s guidance, can I receive the true blessing.
From then on, I completely walked out of the pain of marital infidelity. Now I live in the big family of God’s love, read God’s words, and pursue the truth. My brothers and sisters love and support each other like a family. Thanks be to God! I have finally found a truly happy family.
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