Best Remedy for Conflict in Marriage

A Christian's real experience---the love of God/God is my strength

After supper, as Yuan Yuan was busy doing housework, she ceaselessly complained about her husband: You play illusory computer games all day, not showing concern for our family and child…. Hearing her chatter without stop, her husband also
complained that she not only couldn’t help him lighten his burden, but put pressure on him by scolding him repeatedly. Gradually, this post-80s couple quarreled more and more fiercely with each other. Her husband, to vent his grievance, kicked the table and chair clattering. Yuan Yuan, who was spoiled, couldn’t bear such grievance. She thought with indignation: Why, when I didn’t do anything wrong, did he treat me like this? If I don’t react, he will ride roughshod over me. Thinking of this, Yuan Yuan got angry with her husband and debated with him unyieldingly. When they were quarreling with each other violently, Yuan Yuan’s mother came home with her child. Only then did they stop reluctantly. Although their tempers cooled apparently at that time, they had estrangement in their hearts. Her husband was lying on the bed with anger while Yuan Yuan was sitting in the chair in a sulk.

She exhaustedly leaned back in the chair with her eyes closed. She didn’t understand how come she lived such a tiring and bitter life. What could she do to rid herself of these pains? So she came before God to pray, seeking God’s leading and guidance to help her understand the truth and solve her problem. Then, she saw these following passages of God’s words: “You must learn to open up, to communicate. You must learn how to express yourself, how to use language to express your thoughts, ideas, and the words in your heart.… If your attitude doesn’t change and theirs doesn’t either, there’ll be no way to turn this situation around. You must endeavor to take the initiative in changing. Put yourself aside, don’t pit yourself against them, don’t contradict them.” “If both sides lived by normal humanity, and if they were able to reach possession of the truth, with both sides putting themselves in each other’s shoes, and taking into account each other’s difficulties, from the perspective of normal humanity, and both sides standing on an equal footing when they interacted, spoke to each other, and did things, would this stop the estrangement developing between them?” “You don’t need to scold them, you don’t need to speak loudly, or shout at them, much less use words, or a tone, or an intonation that are blunt. You just need to learn to use a normal tone, commune from the position and status of an ordinary person, speak calmly, speak the words in your heart, endeavor to pour out what you understand, what other people need to understand, and speak clearly and understandably. … Let Me tell you, narrowly speaking, the purpose of speaking heart-to-heart is for there to be normal human communication, having an exchange of minds. That’s narrowly speaking. Broadly speaking, it is for people to understand each other’s state, learn from each other, support each other, and help one another—that’s the effect. And thus, isn’t the relationship by which people interact with each other normal?” (“What Should One Possess, at the Very Least, to Have Normal Humanity”). Having read these God’s words, Yuan Yuan’s thoughts went back to the past …

Yuan Yuan and her husband knew each other when they worked away from home. When they were in love, they often walked and chatted in their spare time, encouraging each other and pouring out their difficulties and pleasure in the work. At that time, they talked everything and knew each other’s thoughts. Afterward, they married and had a lovely baby. Originally, their family of three lived happily. However, baldness and complexity in real life tamed the passion and romance when they were in love. Their life was no longer carefree and sweet like that time when they were in love, but cold and dreary slowly. Every day, they were bound by many trifles, such as their child, work, parents, etc. When faced with huge pressure in life, they communicated with each other less and less. Thus they began to find their own way to relieve their stress and pain.

Every day, after supper, her husband began playing kinds of games on the computer or the cellphone; Yuan Yuan began reading the books which she liked after finishing the housework. At first, they seemed to enjoy this kind of life, which was independent, free and released. But, gradually, they had less communication and common topics, seeming as if they were strangers to each other. Sometimes they even felt the existence of each other was a kind of disturbance. Gradually, Yuan Yuan and her husband both felt there was an estrangement developing between them. They began to realize the seriousness of the situation and tried to put aside what they were doing to get along with each other as before. However, when they looked at each other, they found they didn’t know what to say. As time passed, their relationship became more and more estranged, and they squabbled more frequently, always over the trifles in life. Even though they regretted what they had done, they couldn’t control themselves when they encountered things again.

Yuan Yuan realized that her relationship with her husband had already been estranged and precarious. If they didn’t resolve their contradiction, their marital relationship might be broken for this. Now in society, many couples divorce because they cannot accord with each other. In fact, what brings about the end of these marriages is mostly the intensification of the small conflicts in life. They aren’t willing to let go of themselves to open up and communicate with each other that at last they cannot make peace, but only part from each other. Yuan Yuan thought that her husband and she always did apart or disputed with each other because of a bit of conflict and a long cold war ensued. They both wanted to use blunt ways to ask each other to accept and listen to their own views, so they hadn’t chatted with each other relaxedly as before for a long time. Besides, many quarrels didn’t solve any problem, but made their relationship stiffer and stiffer, and the problem more and more serious. For the sake of their family, Yuan Yuan knew that she couldn’t quarrel with her husband anymore, and that she should put God’s words into practice, putting herself aside, opening up and communicating with her husband initiatively.

Later, Yuan Yuan prayed to God, adjusted her mentality and came to the room to communicate with her husband. This time she was calm without former volatile temper. In communication, she tried to consider things from the standpoint of her husband and tried telling her words in her heart to her husband. To her surprise, when she carried out God’s words like this, her husband was not irritable as before. Instead, her husband considerately said, “I know how tired and toilsome you are….” At that night, they talked much and through the heart-to-heart talk they resolved the contradiction and understood each other. Due to their mutual understanding, trust and consideration, the conflicts and misunderstandings between them all were resolved. Yuan Yuan hadn’t thought there would reach such a good result, so she couldn’t help offering God thankful prayers from her heart. It’s God’s words that allowed her to find the root of the problem. Also it’s God’s words that led her to let go of herself and communicate and open up with her husband, finally resolving the contradiction and estrangement between them and making them return to a normal relationship.

Now, Yuan Yuan and her husband returned to the former situation: opening up and chatting with each other in their spare time, speaking the words in their hearts and talking calmly when encountering things. What’s more, Yuan Yuan also saw that in the process of putting God’s words into practice, her corrupt disposition was cleansed constantly. And every time she practiced God’s words, she saw that she had a deeper knowledge of the truth and gradually deepened her understanding of God and herself. She realized that the word that God has expressed is indeed the needs of us corrupt mankind. Not only does God’s word allow us to know our rebelliousness and deficiencies within it, but makes us return to normal human sense and let our relationship with others become more harmonious. Thanks for God’s leading! All the glory be to God!

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